Saturday, May 10 -
Hi ! I'm still in surfers paradise.
This place is just a party town, reminds
me a lot of the Israeli Eilat - only it's fun here ! Every night
arranges for all the people to go to some clubs here + free drink
club. For a drinking lightweight like me, that's enought to keep
throughout the night.....(more)
The life here is pretty routine - nothing to do
during the day but the
beach, going out at night till 4am. Nevertheless, Some observations :
1. I did meet my Israeli buddy Sefi in the last town, we had a blast.
Nothing much to tell. No, Ziggy, we did not split hookers.
2. I HATE ISRAELI GIRLS ! See, I don't have the typical Israeli look or
accent, so it's pretty hard to know I'm from there. The only way is by my
sandals, which are a known Israeli brand. So whenever I'm wearing them
Israeli people (but usually girls) start talking to me. And they're not like
the other people here, layed back. They just attack you with questions :
Where are you from ? Where in Tel-Aviv ? What high school ? How old are you
? OHHHHH, So do you know this and that guy ?
No, I don't know him. And even if I did I wouldn't wanna talk about him. Coz
he's back home and we're here !
And after that little aggressive small talk, they have the nerve to ask for
half of the meat I bought for dinner that night. You're nice, honey, but I'm
broke. I can barely feed myself. So you see, they're the only thing that can
make me less layed back here.
3. After drinking a bit I get the meat craves. And then I go and buy a Kebab
(sort of like shawarma). And then I fall asleep. And when I wake up on a
bench 30 minutes later, wabbling my legs to the local club, the guard says I
can't go in coz I had to much to drink and am very instable (sure, coz I
just ate half a lamb). So I have to wait 20 mins more for him to believe I'm
But the meat's worth it....
3. They had a bikini contest the other day in one of the clubs, and I
thought it might be a nice pick up line to ask a girl, after the first round
(when all the contenders got up on stage) who she supports in the contest.
So I did. And she said she was in the show. Should have paid more attention
to their faces I guess.
4. People who see me dancing my usual way, let's say it's very energetic,
have been asking me if I know where they could score some E (ecstasy). I
guess that's a compliment ?!
5. I had a roommate, a catholic girl, who just spent the last year and a
half Travelling on a ship to Antartica. So basically, she hadn't gotten any
in that period of time. And she kept talking about my juggling balls and the
sausage she had the last night. I know it sounds childish, but SHE DID ! It
doesn't take a freud to realize what she had in her mind.
AL'S SCAM OF THE WEEK
When I go to a new town, instead of looking for a hostel when I get there, I
just book ahead. But then I have to give my credit card details, and if I
want to change plans in the last minute, they charge me. So I just give them
my number with one digit wrong... If they lose my booking I just say I read
one digit wrong. So I'm being responsible and spontaneous. Perfect.
Tuesday, May 20 - Noosa (Queensland)
I'm now in a little town called Noosa,
along the east coast.......(more).
1) Matrix hype - like everyone
across the civilized western world, I had
Matrix Mania this week.
First off they showed the first one on TV, I saw it in my fancy
surfers paradise with my roommate who jumped off his top bunk
was Neo (too much to drink). Nearly broke his neck. And then I
went to see
the film on opening night (yes, I too am a slave to the hype). A
review is in the end of this e-mail, don't read it if you
haven't seen the
film yet (spoilers...).
2) I played a hard core game of truth or dare. What's hard core
? A guy
burning down his shirt coz he was dared is hard-core. A girl
showing off her
just-been-pierced-today-nipple is pretty hard-core (for truth or
And me...... I shaved all of my chest and stomach hair. Well,
shaved, just clipped it off with the same machine I use to do my
I'm still as smooth as a fish. Prickly...
3) I was hanging with a local girl in Surfers Paradise. Really
sweet girl AND she had a swingin' bachelorette's pad there. Not
only did we
win 130 $ after 5 turns of the roulette at a local casino, but
paying for me wherever we went. Why would a girl like that want
a guy like
me you ask ? Because Aussie men are cavemen.
Really, one night I spent at her place, one guy kept sending her
SMS messages, while another sent a limousine to pick her up,
talking to her. Romantic, eh ? Idiots. Aussie women watch out...
4) A dress code at a bar is a fine thing. BUT it's kind of funny
don't let you in wearing short pants when you're in a frickin'
climate frickin' city.
AL'S SCAM OF THE WEEK
Went skydiving yesterday off of 12,000ft. Was way cool, though
less of an
adrenaline rush than I thought it would be. Most people pay an
extra 125 $
to get pictures and a video of their dive. I just asked politely
if I can
take my Hi-Tech digicam with me and they said "yeah". So sure,
of me are in extreme close-up and the movies aren't high quality
- but saved
up some beer money, eh ?
Saturday, May 31 -
Fraser Island (Queensland)
I've been all around last couple of
days, but the peak of this week was definitely Fraser Island. It's
the world greatest sand Island, whatever that means, but what makes
it a tourist attraction is the beautiful clear water lakes, sand
dunes and bla bla bla. I rented a 4x4 there with 6 more people and
we went driving on the beaches and dunes to get around....(more)
I couldn't get a good group and got stuck with TWO couples, and 2 geeky swiss
guys whose idea of english was "Aal, is it possible you pass ze salt, ya ?".
They speak german, but they're ok, coz they're neutral...
Eating potato chips next to the campfire I had to try and through some in. Now
the fire was pretty dead by then, but those puppies burn like pure fuel
(probably coz they're 97.7% oil), making a big nitro flame. I wish I could say
that made me not want to eat any chips any more, but I just think they're cooler
The rest of the chips left by the campfire were eaten by local Fraser Island
hungry dingoes. Guess they don't know what's good for them either.
other experiences :
1. Futile tries to get an aussie tan got me to the stage I am now, which can
only be defined by the words BRIGHT RED.
2. I stayed a couple of days in a place called Noosa, which is a small beautiful
holiday town. Their only pride is that the person who invented roundabouts was a
native Noosian (or whatever they're called). So to commemorate him, not a
streetlight in town. Kind of pathetic when you think about it.
3. Started skateboarding this week with a used skateboard I bought for a good
deal. Didn't break any limbs yet which (according to some skateboarding
backpacker I met) means I haven't been trying hard enough.
4. I realized you can't ever just go into a local aussie shop and just ask a
question. There's always this little monologue :
AL : "Hi.." (not able to finish sentence as shopkeeper barges in)
Shopkeeper: "Hey mate, how you doing ?"
AL : "OK" (feeling obliged to ask) "And you ?"
Shopkeeper : "Not too bad, matey. How can I help you ?".
Now it's all nice and fun when you first encounter it, but even when you call in
to book a bus or pay at the cashier at the supermarket, you always have this
annoying little futile conversation...
** Not much scamming done this week, sorry.
June 07 -
sail, sail a boat.
Did a 3 day sailing trip this week on a boat in the beautiful
1. Except for snorkelling, sitting on beautiful beaches tanning and sailing, all
we did was eat. And for a backpacker it's quite a change to go from a
8-cheese-sandwich a day diet to 4 meals and snacks and tea served continuously
Thanks to my home education ("always finish what's on the plate !", thanks mom),
I ate obscene amounts of food, and one girl on deck kept giving me looks that
were somewhere between awe and disgust.
Another day, when all attempts to wake me up failed, they just opened a pack of
doritos next to me and started nibbling and I immediately got up and asked for
2. A girl on deck got a bad tan with her sunglasses on, which made her look like
3. I kept getting sea water in my scuba mask when snorkelling - since my
mustache was disturbing the insulation. I seriously thought about shaving it
off, when one guy on deck said that I can just put Vaseline on it - which made
me look like a 70's porn star ! Woo hoo !
4. To the americans on this list, don't take this the wrong way, but the entire
world hates you. If there's one thing all nationalities agree on (not me, not
me) is that american backpackers are idiots.
SO canadian backpackers, that share the accent with the americanos, ALWAYS have
the maple leaf somewhere on their hat, shirt, bag, socks, tattooed or else. But
this guy in the picture (left) went a bit too far. Hope you got their pun with
the name tags....
BTW - the greatest thing to tell a canadian is that since he lives in the
continent of America, he's an American, just like someone from France is
European. They go MAD !!!
Next week I'm getting my scuba diving certificate, 3 days & nights on a yacht
with even more food (certified chef !!!). Hope I have fun.
13. Monday, June 23 - diving course, Magnetic Island.
I've been to a diving course on a yacht last week, and this week I
was in an incredible little island a lot of backpackers don't stop
at - Magnetic Island....(more).
.. DIVING COURSE
1. When you dive, you're assigned a buddy even on a course. So I was assigned
the very German Dorothy, who proved her German efficiency by always having her
gear on before me, and tsking me about it !
I also had a guy that looks just like fat bastard from Austin Powers (red hair,
hairy shoulders & arms, and, well, FAT), who had to wear twice the amount of
weights everyone does just so he wouldn't float....
2. Again we had great food on board, so I ate lots & lots. This one night I ate
dinner - Mexican, and took seconds and thirds. And after that swallowed a spoon
of english mustard coz some dumb guys said they'd pay to see me twitch (it's
REALLY hot). Didn't move a muscle. And then I had ice cream for dessert. Wasn't
the best roommate to sleep with that night...
3. Did you know a sea cucumber's mouth and anus is the same hole ? Which makes
you wonder what's the difference between Anal sex and Oral sex when it comes to
them... Wonder - but not want to try, OK ?
4. When night falls, and the dives are over, you just get drunk on deck. Which
made me make this remark : "Wouldn't it be cool if dolphins could wear scuba
suits, go on land for 50 minutes, touch people, look around, and then go back in
the water ?".
5. Below 20 metres or so, you can't see the color red under the ocean, so when
Fat Bastard cut himself on the anchorline, he bled green ! Freaky shit.
6. My diving instructor said that I exemplify amazingly well the theory of the
IQ circle - some people are so clever, they go back to being dumb again. I think
if you know me you'll agree with her (especially on the dumb bit).
1. Stupid drinking games we played :
a. You put a long piece of toilet paper between some guy's clenched buttocks,
and light it up ! And he can't put it out till he finished his drink ! And it's
really quick ! One guy lost some quality ass hair on that one.
b. In some drinking games, at some point, you have to make up a rule to follow
from that point on. My favorite is making everyone repeating the last word in
every sentence (sentence..). It's easy enough when you're sober, try it when
you're drunk, and you'll wake up with one big headache the next day.
2. I went, for the first time ever to a nude beach. Everything feels better -
going in the water, the breeze, jogging. You had to climb a cliff down to get
there (clothed, so you wouldn't cut yourself...), and find that exact same cliff
on the way back. I couldn't find the way back up so I asked a naked guy and he
pointed it to me. With his FINGER.
3. I spent most of my time here with Laura, a beautiful, smart & funny british
girl (and I'm not just writing this because she's reading...). One night, I
don't even remember how it all started, she waxed a strip of arm hairs from me.
OW ! But besides the pain, my arm went numb for a couple of hours. What women
would put themselves through....
4. And besides that, since she's so british she got me hooked to tea (4 cups a
day, no kidding), AND neighbours, an ozzie soap that's really big in the UK
(D'arcy did commit the robbery !). I just need rotten teeth and I'll be a true
5. Koalas sleep 20 hours a day, like cats only cuter. BUT unlike cats I realized
this week that they do it because eucalypt trees, their main source of food
affects them like alcohol does to people. So they're just big drunks !
I don't know if you even still remember that, but I still juggle a lot. And got
pretty good at it too !
http://didier.arlabosse.free.fr/balles/english/figures.html - check this site
out, I can already do "The Shower", Mill's mess and I'm getting pretty good at
"The box". Yes, I'm having heaps of fun !
AL'S SCAM OF THE WEEK
AL's scams are getting more and more pathetic. This week I just went on another
diving cruise, and they served lunch on board, so I made my self sandwiches for
dinner when we go back to the hostel (and got the captain yelling at me for
Wednesday, July 23 -
East Coast to West Coast.
I've been on a roadtrip from the east
coast of Australia to the west coast, Travelling about
4800km(Americans, I'm not converting this to miles), with a stop for
a week in a town in the middle north bit.
Anyways, a short account of what I've done....(more).
1. Bungee of off 50 meters, which to my disappointment was not very scary,
as we had to wait 45 minutes in the top of the jumping tower. I tried to
jump in a cool "crucified jesus falling down headfirst" kind of jump. From
the pictures I got, I hadn't managed this, yet managed to jump in the ever
popular "terrified scaredycat tripping over a very tall step" style.
Does it mean I have to become a mercenary/bounty hunter/stuntman/go live in
the balkans if I can't get my adrenaline rush out of bungeeing ?
2. I took some Didjeridoo lessons and eventually bought a didj. For those of
you who don't know, a didj is a big big big wooden horn instrument, probably
patented by an aboriginal with a tiny penis. Picture enclosed.
3. Some popular activities when roadtripping for a couple of days straight:
- Playing the only 4 tapes you have in the car, singing them out loud (I
know way too much Elton John songs by heart now).- Fighting and bickering over
every inch in the back seat. - Jumping up and down in your seat since your butt
fell asleep after 5 hours
on the road. - Talking about sex. A LOT. - Asking the driver if we're there yet.
4. Stupid stuff I did along the trip in Australia's many national parks and
- Swam in a river with crocodiles. The park ranger was happy later to
explain they're only the freshwater ones that are smaller (only 3 FUCKING
meters - 9 feet !), and they don't really bite humans usually. I just hope
they know it.
- Jumped off of a waterfall about 20 meters high, straight into a pool of
sweetwater under it, only to find the sign asking you not to do it on the
- Grew hair, and then trying to cut it myself with my clippers. This, as I
found out, is much harder than giving yourself the good old buzz cut.
5. I passed two time zones on the drive to the west coast. The thing is, for
the last couple of days, I've been going to sleep at 10pm and waking up and
7:30am, which totally ruins any chance of a decent nightlife. Stupid jet-less
AL'S SCAM OF THE MONTH - "HOT GIRL" add
When one is to look for a lift, he has to find other backpackers with a car
in Australia willing to take him with them. This, however, is harder than it
sounds, as those Travellers are pretty rare to find. And when they do want
to go somewhere, who will they pick - me or a full bossomed european girl
for the ride ?
The medium where most Travellers find their lifts is through hostel notice
boards, and there are practically tens of notices on each. So I just put up
a notice that said in Bold font and big letters "HOT GIRL", just to attract
the people's eyes. When they do come closer it reads : "I'm not a HOT GIRL,
just a fun 22 year old guy looking for a ride." I got 3 rides in 5 days,
which proved to me I can make a decent advertiser.
Sunday, Aug 31, Western Australia
I'm in Perth, West Australia, leaving to Thailand next sunday. In a
week I won't be Al down under anymore....(more).
1. Going out to a pub here, a big, burly aboriginal (indigineous
aussies, remember?) man started talking to me. And over here when people
start talking to you they're just being nice. But then, after 2 minutes of
conversation, he said, as if this is the natural course of the conversation
: "So, would you want me to suck your dick ?" (!!!!).
I nodded and smiled, thinking he was trying to pull my leg. But that just
seems to have excited him more - he tried to romaticize me into it, saying
he'll take me down to the beach, and asking me if I ever had mine sucked by
a man. I heroically ran to the other side of the bar and stayed there till
closing time... Would've bitch-slapped him if he wasn't that huge !!!
2. Driving in the night in Australia there are tons of kangaroos on the
sides of the road, and they jump into the road without prior notice. So many
roos did we see one night that we came up with this following sketch :
Male Roo: "Honey, I'm going down to the road to watch some cars with some
Female Roo : "Again, again with the road. You're always at the road. Why
don't you stay at home one night with the Joeys (baby roos) ?".
Male Roo: "Just going to graze some grass near the road, what's wrong with
Female Roo: "OK, I'll just stay here alone till you come back late night.
Get yourself run over, see if I care".
The funnily tragic aspect of this is that on that night, we actually did
drive over one (I wasn't driving). When I told my sister about it though,
she asked me if I looked in the beast's pockets... Yeah, found a rifle, a
Saudi passport and the blueprints for the Sydney opera house.
3. I hate junk mail. I keep getting those letters that say : "Send this to 5
people. I've sent it to 5, and 14 nanoseconds later, I got promoted, my
stocks in NASDAQ doubled, and my wife, which I planned to divorce, died !".
If I'm not forwarding them, how come I'm having so much fun ?!
4. A backpacking official-sushi-chef from Japan taught me how to make sushi,
and I rolled my first cone. Of sushi. Now, as she's japanese, there were
communication difficulties, but she was trying and that's sweet. Whenever
she approved of my rolling skills, she lifted two thumbs in the air,
thrusted them back & forth repeatedly and said : "Good, good, good". It's
funnier if you imagine it.
5. I saw "Jackass - the movie" 5 different times in hostels. And it's still
funny. What's wrong with me ?
6. Irish people are the funnest, yet most fucked up backpackers you'll meet.
When I introduced myself to one of them, he held out his hand and said
without a twitch of a smile : "Hello. I'm BATMAN". Bruce wayne and I got
very drunk that night on his beers, and when I was hungry and told him I
hadn't had dinner yet, he showed me what he had for dinner. A frickin'
multivitamin tablet. To his theory, he gets the calories from beer, and the
nutrients from the pill, and that's all he needs.
7. On boring nights, when there isn't enough booze to play drinking games,
we played the "Would you rather ?" game. Basically you're facing a life
altering dillema - two options, none of which much better than the other.
And you got to pick. Exactly as dumb as it sounds. And we came with dillemas
to the sort of - WOULD YOU RATHER :
- Have bendy straws for hair, or movable facial features like Mr. Potatohead
- Have cheesy porn music play whenever you walk into a room, or always have
the smell or parmesan cheese up your nose ?
- Have a pair of sneakers hanging from your ears or always walk around
without pants ?
- Always talk in rhyme or always talk in song ?
- Have one huge testicle or 20 little ones ?
And so on, and so on..... Oh, come on. Maybe you had to be there.
8. I didn't have milk one day, so I decided to steal a bit of someone's from
the communal fridge. I might be an asshole, but you can't have cereal
without it ! Anyway, after about 10 spoonfuls of cereal something felt
weird. The milk was a month old, someone left it there ! And I hadn't
realised it, having lost my sense of smell a couple of years ago (nose drop
incident, don't ask).....
9. We met a guy whose name is Brett. His occupation is a Veterinary surgeon.
Of course, after 10 minutes he was renamed to "Brett, the best Vet your Pet
has ever met". Or Brett De-vet in short.
10. Did some cool stuff like whale-watching, snorkelling with sea-turtles
and climbing up a 61-metre high tree (16 storeys high, that is). But that
isn't funny so I won't tell you much about it.
החיפוש - לא חסר עבודה כאן. מלבורן היא
בירה קולינרית. מספיק לעבור בצהריים ולראות את הבארים מפוצצים. אפשר לחפש בעיתונים
ובאינטרנט אבל לדעתי השיטה
עוד שלושה שבועות מסתיים הסמסטר ואני אוכל להחזיק עוד
עבודה תהיה לי דילמה קשה בין
מסעדת מאכלי ים ומסעדת בשר או שבכלל עדיף למזוג
בירה בכל מקרה יהיה נחמד בקיץ כאן